The American

I don't normally like to post movie reviews because I'm not your average movie viewer. I have really specific standards for my movie experience and usually only like a certain kind of movie. Also, no one ever agrees with my opinion of the movie, actor, story line, or whatever. For this reason I also try not to recommend movies to people. I do, however, think that everyone on planet Earth will agree with my thoughts on this movie I saw with my friend Jason…

 


The American looked like a hit originally because of…

#1 The presence of George Clooney.

#2 This movie is marketed as a thriller with some assassins and lots of action… some of that contributed by George Clooney

#3 Brief nudity + George Clooney. Enough said.

#4 The movie takes place in Italy, an often beautiful and romantic country.

While the American did deliver all four of the reasons I originally believed would make it a hit, it was probably the worst movie experience I have had in awhile. Here is why…

#1 George Clooney was present but any sort of background music or sound was not. It was so incredibly awkward on the screen and in the theatre because every little movement was heard i.e. coughing, shifting, slurping drinks, and even loud breathing. I think I heard someone’s cell phone vibrate from 10 rows away. It seemed to make the movie ten times longer because you were just waiting for the music to cue the entire time.  

#2 George Clooney quits the assassin thing immediately when the movie starts and spends the whole film holed up in a little room making a gun, (basically). A couple of people died, which was cool, but the only major thrill I experienced at the theatre that day was getting an Icee at the snack counter. (They let me have coke and cherry flavors mixed together!)

#3 The brief nudity is actually prolonged nudity (mostly of the female variety) and there is a quite horrific and also extended sex scene with George and an Italian prostitute. Again, with no music or sounds except the ones you don’t want to hear. Yuck! There is a brief glimpse of Clooney’s butt, which was everything I expected it to be and more, but I was very distracted throughout out the movie trying to figure out why his body looked like he was 25 and his face looked like he was 55.

#4 The parts of Italy shown in the movie were the absolute worst. Mostly it took place on dimly lit and incredibly dirty streets or in Clooney’s room which had absolutely no decoration and dirty walls. I’ve been in 5 different (and rather varied) cities in Italy but I’ve seen insides of Italian trash cans that looked better than the sets for that movie.  

So you still want my recommendation? Skip the movie, skip the action, and skip the nudity for sure! Do not skip on the Icee though. Get a large and drink until you have a brain freeze. Better yet, have three! It will still be a more enjoyable and much less awkward experience than seeing The American and is way more financially savvy.